Chapter 24

Love… who so you fall in love with? She wonders to herself. It suddenly crossed her mind… what do you look for in love? What is it that makes you fall for someone? Her ex-bf was not a handsome person, neither is he a successful or extraordinary person. But what is the reason for her unconditionally attention and care for him? And how did it all ended. All she can think of is that, when you are in love, there’s no right or wrong in justifying why you like and care for someone. Once a wise old lady told her that, if you can find a reason other than “you love him because of him” that’s not a strong love. Because when the reasons to your love change, your love will change together with it.

So what matters? Does looks matters? Or does what lies in within matters?
She thinks hard about it, yea looks matters of cause. It matters because by looking at someone and having the feeling of comfortable, then and only then you can open up to someone. But do not get it the wrong way, when she says looks matters doesn’t mean that it must be good look or model type handsome, but instead it’s the looks of a person with sincerity. A form of firm chemistry between two people.

But above all, what lays in between matter the most. How that person is. What he is like when he is around you and without you. The real person behind the physical mask. His heart! That is what matter most. And that’s the reason behind why one can fall in love or be in love with another human being unconditionally and inevitably in love… what really shines is none other than sincere heart.

And so why did she ever broke up with her boyfriend if he’s all that and nice to her. Well, the one mistake that she makes was to only focus on him and the love that she had. Relationship is never meant to be only you and him. Relationship should take into consideration of all the things around it. Relationship must also be of two way communication, two way love and two way interactions. She was too in to her love that she has for him. On the other hand, his feelings were divided into two. His life as a young boy and the life that he has with his girlfriend. He couldn’t blend it together, he couldn’t make decision and commitment to her. He loses and chooses his life down the road of fun and drugs. He betrayed her and broke all the promises that he made to her. He broke her heart.

And now, though it’s petty and kind of pathetic, but she keeps liking and having crush with the guy that she sees in the television. Yup, it is pathetic isn’t it? But somehow, no matter how the actor looks like physically, she always end up liking the character in the movies or dramas. It is then that she realizes that, looks doesn’t matter. What matters, is how the person is. The characters were created in such that they possess the things that one’s heart is looking for. That goes the same for real life situation.

You can fall for someone just because of their looks. However, you tend to get attached to someone because of how they are. And when that happens, the feelings surpass everything else including looks. That is when you will find yourself liking and admiring everything bout him/her. Everything about the person turns out to be the cutest thing you ever seen.

And she chooses and hope to be in love with the average guy, like many of those she sees in tv... not the one with good looks, but the one with the shiny heart.
But I guess none that she met so far possess the shiny heart that she's waiting for...

♥

Chapter 23

Love, what is love. Can you please tell her what it really means?

Feelings? Is that it? Not entirely. Lust? Is that it? Not entirely. Care? Not entirely. Love is there, existed in many ways and form. Appears as and when it wants to. Disappears as and when it wants to. Fluster you and hurt you when it wants to. As and when it wants to. And you simply are a fool, pabo for love. Cry and laugh for it, worried and carefree for it, bleed and fly for it. Sucker for love. Hopelessly romantic and last but not least love can make one to be self destructive. Not in any bad ways but somehow it just can really crashes one’s dreams and you can really end up feeling really low as low as the lowest one can really feel. It hurts a lot doesn’t it?

This is what love is all about, complicated and weird and no matter how much you thought you understand it, well, you actually don’t. It’s the matter of the heart.

So, what is love? How do you differentiate it? How can she differentiate it?

She watches loads of love movies and dramas. She read loads of love stories and she to listens to loads of real life experiences. But as the matter of fact, in this world, this real world… there’s too much fake love, cheatings, infidelity and insincere love. Still does it counts? Is that too called love?

If one looks from the front side of it, it doesn’t really seem to look like there’s much love in it. But, when you look from the side of it or perhaps from behind or above it all, from different side of the story, you can actually find that there’s perhaps some sort of love in between too. (Rubbish? Don’t understand?)

Imagine husband and wife or gf and bf… then the husband cheats on the wife or vice versa… one look at it, it’s actually bullshit no love and cheating. But if you look from another side… only because the husband or wife had found love with others that drives them to do so. And the question here is which is the real love? What are it then that is categorized as love. Which then is the right one?

At the end, what everyone should know, because love is such and its complicated as it is, love is blind. It drives you to the extent that you never thought you would actually be, do, say or perhaps give up your life for it. How ironic and tragic. Despite all that harms and pain, love is beautiful, nice and cloud 9.

She wants to be in love despite all that’s been said, done and felt. She wants to find that someone, that real someone. Is he anywhere out there? Is she even going to stand a chance?
Her picture of love is pretty much influenced by television. Such fairytales. But her past love life experience awaken her from the beauty of it. Yet still she is willing to give love a chance. Will love in return give her the same chance? Will love come knocking on the door to her heart once more?

♥