skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Love… who so you fall in love with? She wonders to herself. It suddenly crossed her mind… what do you look for in love? What is it that makes you fall for someone? Her ex-bf was not a handsome person, neither is he a successful or extraordinary person. But what is the reason for her unconditionally attention and care for him? And how did it all ended. All she can think of is that, when you are in love, there’s no right or wrong in justifying why you like and care for someone. Once a wise old lady told her that, if you can find a reason other than “you love him because of him” that’s not a strong love. Because when the reasons to your love change, your love will change together with it. So what matters? Does looks matters? Or does what lies in within matters? She thinks hard about it, yea looks matters of cause. It matters because by looking at someone and having the feeling of comfortable, then and only then you can open up to someone. But do not get it the wrong way, when she says looks matters doesn’t mean that it must be good look or model type handsome, but instead it’s the looks of a person with sincerity. A form of firm chemistry between two people. But above all, what lays in between matter the most. How that person is. What he is like when he is around you and without you. The real person behind the physical mask. His heart! That is what matter most. And that’s the reason behind why one can fall in love or be in love with another human being unconditionally and inevitably in love… what really shines is none other than sincere heart.And so why did she ever broke up with her boyfriend if he’s all that and nice to her. Well, the one mistake that she makes was to only focus on him and the love that she had. Relationship is never meant to be only you and him. Relationship should take into consideration of all the things around it. Relationship must also be of two way communication, two way love and two way interactions. She was too in to her love that she has for him. On the other hand, his feelings were divided into two. His life as a young boy and the life that he has with his girlfriend. He couldn’t blend it together, he couldn’t make decision and commitment to her. He loses and chooses his life down the road of fun and drugs. He betrayed her and broke all the promises that he made to her. He broke her heart. And now, though it’s petty and kind of pathetic, but she keeps liking and having crush with the guy that she sees in the television. Yup, it is pathetic isn’t it? But somehow, no matter how the actor looks like physically, she always end up liking the character in the movies or dramas. It is then that she realizes that, looks doesn’t matter. What matters, is how the person is. The characters were created in such that they possess the things that one’s heart is looking for. That goes the same for real life situation. You can fall for someone just because of their looks. However, you tend to get attached to someone because of how they are. And when that happens, the feelings surpass everything else including looks. That is when you will find yourself liking and admiring everything bout him/her. Everything about the person turns out to be the cutest thing you ever seen. And she chooses and hope to be in love with the average guy, like many of those she sees in tv... not the one with good looks, but the one with the shiny heart. But I guess none that she met so far possess the shiny heart that she's waiting for... ♥
Love, what is love. Can you please tell her what it really means? Feelings? Is that it? Not entirely. Lust? Is that it? Not entirely. Care? Not entirely. Love is there, existed in many ways and form. Appears as and when it wants to. Disappears as and when it wants to. Fluster you and hurt you when it wants to. As and when it wants to. And you simply are a fool, pabo for love. Cry and laugh for it, worried and carefree for it, bleed and fly for it. Sucker for love. Hopelessly romantic and last but not least love can make one to be self destructive. Not in any bad ways but somehow it just can really crashes one’s dreams and you can really end up feeling really low as low as the lowest one can really feel. It hurts a lot doesn’t it?This is what love is all about, complicated and weird and no matter how much you thought you understand it, well, you actually don’t. It’s the matter of the heart. So, what is love? How do you differentiate it? How can she differentiate it? She watches loads of love movies and dramas. She read loads of love stories and she to listens to loads of real life experiences. But as the matter of fact, in this world, this real world… there’s too much fake love, cheatings, infidelity and insincere love. Still does it counts? Is that too called love? If one looks from the front side of it, it doesn’t really seem to look like there’s much love in it. But, when you look from the side of it or perhaps from behind or above it all, from different side of the story, you can actually find that there’s perhaps some sort of love in between too. (Rubbish? Don’t understand?)Imagine husband and wife or gf and bf… then the husband cheats on the wife or vice versa… one look at it, it’s actually bullshit no love and cheating. But if you look from another side… only because the husband or wife had found love with others that drives them to do so. And the question here is which is the real love? What are it then that is categorized as love. Which then is the right one? At the end, what everyone should know, because love is such and its complicated as it is, love is blind. It drives you to the extent that you never thought you would actually be, do, say or perhaps give up your life for it. How ironic and tragic. Despite all that harms and pain, love is beautiful, nice and cloud 9.She wants to be in love despite all that’s been said, done and felt. She wants to find that someone, that real someone. Is he anywhere out there? Is she even going to stand a chance? Her picture of love is pretty much influenced by television. Such fairytales. But her past love life experience awaken her from the beauty of it. Yet still she is willing to give love a chance. Will love in return give her the same chance? Will love come knocking on the door to her heart once more? ♥
It can be tiring for her, as the matter of fact it is very tiring for her… the journey and phrases that she has to go through in the process of healing her broken-heart. To be out of the bubble and start a new one. It is like as though there’s a very thin line in between or rather it’s like a crossroad or a maze or anything you want to call it. Situations and emotions can be real deceiving. One day you are okay and you thought that you are out of it entirely, but the next day you started to feel bad and wonders if you were even out of it in the first place. She knew she will eventually be out of it, and she knew that she’s half way through. And so she got to be strong and keep her chin up and not to fall for his white lies again. It was her girls-get-together time with her friends. They went for some window shopping to look-see-look-see, have a drink and listen to some live band music. It’s always nice and comforting for her to have her girlfriends around to hang out with and share their feelings and lend a shoulder to cry on for each other. She was there for them and they were there for her. There’re just so many other types of problem out there in the world with so many different circumstances. She realizes that hers is definitely not the worst and so she should toughen up. Life is full of colors, love is full of emos, humans are not perfect, and somehow in some way that is the beauty of life. Maybe what some of us really need in life are not really perfections but comfort and attention. And she too is fitting in for her comfort level. What is her level of comfort? ♥
This has been harder than she thought it would be. The feeling of down and draggy can still be felt even on the next day. What is this feeling she question herself. She was puzzled by what she felt. She was so determine to let go and was so sure that she’s over it. If that is so then why is she affected by him? Is this just a temporary phrase. A normal phrase everyone had to go through in order to let go and move on. Does this feeling of annoyed, hurt, down, sadden mostly pain and uneasiness, normal for everyone? Did you ever doubt your decision of leaving? Did you ever wonder what is the “What if” of not leaving? Were you ever bothered by the dreams that you had the night before? Were you puzzled by what the intentions of the other person is?For a moment there, she would like to convince herself that its only normal for someone to feel, react and wonders. And because its only normal for a human to feel that way, the sooner she can overcome this feelings of back and forth, the better her life will be. The truth is, she cant avoid any types of pain. She has to go through it and get over with it. till there is no more pain to be felt, only then it will not bother her. As much as one doesn’t wanna hit rock bottom in order to bounce back and stand strong, rock bottom really is the only remedy to make one totally get over something.As much pain as there is for her to feel, she knows that its only going to make her stronger and live better.♥
This is harder than she thought it would be… its harder because she just need to go through the part where she has to accept the fact that everything that is been going about her ex will somehow rather be intertwine with hers in some ways or another. She really thought it’s over and done with. Avoiding isn’t as easy as she hope it’ll be. She wishes for her not to speak of him anymore, not to have to deal with things that are related to him as much as she used to deal with… but here’s the truth… guess it’s never going to happen that way…One way or another, anything and everything will still be there. Everything was perfect for her… for a moment that is…Everything was according to her way and she was really into moving on with her life. She has her own thing going on, her work is advancing and she’s happy with her surrounding and life. The life where she feels free to breath, no burden and pain poking through her heart and soul. But he suddenly appears again out of nowhere… well technically he was never gone, but he wasn’t that daring to come near her. The most is only text and phone calls. Somehow, during the auspicious celebration and festival, he came to her house for a visit. What??? Long story cut short, he manages to make his way to her house to visit her sibs and parents. Yeah, they had no problem with him being a friend of mine, or friend of the family…. But then again, what was he thinking? What is the utter motive behind the visit? Was it purely out of respect? Which is highly doubtful, because it has been 3 years since they broke up and had he not once came to her house for any visits and why now? Was the motive behind it all is to hurt or annoy her? It was pure luck for her as she was out from home to get some stuff from the shop. At least she doesn’t have to deal with him being there, just have to deal with the fact that he was there. Days later after that very day, she found out that he has also been speaking or seeing her circle of friends. What’s going on, why was he making effort to somehow be seen and be heard? Was he trying to make a new path in his life?She did however been receiving 4 text message from him during this holiday festive season. All 4 messages were to seek for forgiveness. She being herself who doesn’t think bad about people and always trying to be positive, came to a conclusion… as much as she wanted to move on and open a new book… maybe he too wanted to find a closure to move on and open a new page… She prefers to think about it that way. Wishing the rest of the things to goes smooth as she sails the wide sea of life. ♥
There were times when she feels that she doesn’t need to be in relationship. There were times when she thought to herself that being all by herself is better as it is. But what is really right and what is really wrong. As long as it makes her happy, isn’t that the most important thing? There were numerous points that can be pointed out for as to why one is better than the other. She knew that both situations either to be in a relationship or to remain out of relationship has its own pro and cons. Depending on what is the objective of her life at that point in time, she should just make decision on what will make her more happy and comfortable. Being single is not all that bad. Being single let you know yourself a little closer and it allows one to grow up and be more independent. She needed the space of being alone, she is able to make her own decision without having to think about someone else’s needs or rather without being influenced by someone. It’s not that it is all bad to have someone to think of, but when considering other makes you restrict yourself from being more and great, that is really a situation to be scrutinized. Once she was given the opportunity to study abroad. Her dad gave her the choice to choose either to go over to Australia, United Kingdom, and Ireland, New Zealand or any other places of her choice. But she was dumb enough to thanks, but no thanks. Was she even in a correct state of mind to actually throw the opportunity away? YES to others but NO to her at that point of time. You see she was really in love with her ex-bf. She was a very darling gf. He obviously dislikes the idea. She doesn’t want her bf to worry sick about her. And she herself hated the thoughts of being away from him. Not forgetting that the lifestyle is obviously going to be different, there’s not gonna be night time shopping session and there won’t be frappuccino session with her close friends. She just couldn’t imagine life far away from her parents. Above all that’s been said, she acted and makes a dumb decision. She now realizes that she should have grabbed the chance while it’s there. She should have take up the challenge. Girls, if the guy loves you as much as he said he did, then he will wait for you no matter how long how far you are. She really regretted it. But she also knows that there’s no need to dwell in it. She accept ted that it’s her very own decision and so she has to stand by her decision and the consequences. She tells herself to learn from it instead of crying over it. Suck it up and move on to achieve the better. Being single let her sees things clearly and let her to slowly know herself. Being single let her focus on what she wanted in life. So that there will not be any more regrets and mistakes. She is very thankful of everything that happens. Mistakes are not bad, life is not about how many mistakes you managed to avoid. Life is about going and living through it, making mistakes is human nature, brave to deal with mistakes and improvise is what matters. That what makes you wiser, tougher and that what makes you who you are. ♥
As she grew older, she realized that ultimately she was alone with herself most of the time. Though it might seem and look lonely, but honestly she grew to like it. Being independent was what she needed most in her life. One thing that some people don’t understand in life is that you come to the world alone and alone you’ll go back. So being alone is actually nothing new and shouldn’t be something worrying. There were many people around her, but seriously what matters is “Me, Myself and I”. And if one can stand being with oneself, she believes that one can stand almost anything.She was on her way back from office. Driving though the traffic jam and so she often thinks to herself and self talk. She question herself the same thing the others were questioning her. “What is it that you are looking for? What is your preference?” Well to be honest, she doesn’t know. Cause if she knew what precisely it is, she wouldn’t be here after all. She knows what her preference are and what she dislike, but in things like thing, there’s no right or wrong and there’s no pointing to what I want and should be. She believes it to be coming naturally. The way it should be with no interference. But at times she doubt it would happen the way she pictured it. She was a fairy tale girl. Everything she pictured is mostly fairytale like. But in this world, there’s no fairytale and fantasy. Everything works differently. There’s a very small chance of fairytale.All she ever wanted in short is pretty much what all girls want. Someone who really love her with all his heart, who is honest to her for anything and everything, who is mature enough to accept her imperfections unconditionally for who she is and what she’ll become. As she will do the same for him. She’s looking for someone who will say,“I love you today, more than yesterday, less than tomorrow…”♥
She is taking one step at a time. There are actually too many paths that one can choose in living life. She finally opens up her eyes and she sees that there’re so many people out there. Those who wanted to be her friend. Those whom she never seems to notice before. But the questions here really are, “How do you differentiate who and who? How do you assess before you even be friends or rather close friends?”. She’s not trying to be choosy or what not. But as a girl, it’s only fair that a girl should be careful (extra careful that is) in relating and opening up to others. There got to be some sort of a filtering mechanism. She knows that people might think that she’s trying to give it a hard try or try to pull off a little but really it’s not about being snobbish. It’s more of trying to protect herself from any sort of unnecessary pain and embarrassment. She has gone through some occasions that somewhat in a way created some form of biasness when it comes to guys who wanted to come near her.There was once, this guy whom she know from her previous work place was trying to get close to her, he was trying so hard, (i.e. texting, emailing, bumping into her and all sort of ways) he even asked her out more or less on a date but she want ready to accept new friends at that time. She was not into socializing rather she was D’ Queen of Emo, and so she rejected his offer for dates. Only 3 months later she found out that the guy had just gotten married. “What?!” she just couldn’t believe it. He was just asking her out like really trying out his luck and he’s now married?The one thing that she’s annoyed is not the fact that he’s married, she couldn’t care less about him being married. If you carefully think back, normal duration of time taken for preparation to get married is 6 months to a year and the least is 3 months before wedding date. And so rationally even if he is not engaged or even if he has not set the date for his wedding at that time which is 3 months ago, he must have been dating his wife as a couple (girlfriend boyfriend) right??? And he was asking her out around the same time??? That is what really pissed her off. How dirty and low can he be, he just grossed her out.And she was thinking to herself, it’s her luck to not give a face to that guy in the first place. Who knows what would be the consequences of the overall situation had she given in and went out with him. She would be fooled and lied to. See that’s among some of the instances that lead her to being extra careful when it comes to guys. Most are not genuinely real in being friends. Most are just a conned fella. Not all but most. To eventually accidently having met or find the selected ones are gonna be quite a ride for her.You surely must have heard of that saying on how you have to kiss a few frogs before you get to kiss your very own Prince Charming…♥
And so that was what she thought and that was what she was hoping for, a peace of mind. A chance to start over. She is finally ready to move on. But wait, he still calls her?! And he still text her?!
“Aaahhhhh…!” she yells out of frustration. She doesn’t want to think about it anymore. There’s never gonna be an ending to this.
A friend (male friend) once told her of several general facts about guy:
1) A Guy will never be able to find a girl like who they’ve met before
2) A Guy will forever try his luck at any given circumstances even if he is already married with a child
3) A Guy will never let go of you if you still left the invisible rope hanging there for him to grope…
And so it got her thinking… there’s no point to dwell over something which is beyond her control. There’s nothing that she can do if he stills want to linger around. The best that she can do is to move on and avoid any possible invisible rope there is for him to grope on. Though she know that it ain’t going to be easy but that is what she’s gonna do.
Moving on…
♥
Weeks has gone by, and she is rather occupied and didn’t noticed that time flew by. She is in the state of reviewing, rethinking, reassessing, measuring, analyzing and concluding about the things that have been going on.
It’s been months since the day she really decided to seriously cut things off with her ex-bf. But guess what "Can she really avoid bumping into him?" It’s impossible. They have the same mutual friends, not all but most of them. Knowing that fact at the back of her mind, she was more or less ready. She knew that it would somehow affect her in some small ways if not big, but she was ready.
It was that day, on her best friend’s wedding day that she had already expected that he will be there as well. She was cool and rather calm about it. The love and nervousness that she used to feel whenever he is around was no more there. The anticipation and the adrenalin rush that she used to feel was rather turned to a feeling of annoyance, irritated and she was disturbed by his absence. The anger and the frustration that she has in her has overcome and kill the passionate feeling that she once feel for him. There were no more slight peeking, instead there were total ignorance from her. She avoids any sort of eye contact and he was not even in her radar, that’s how much she really wanted to avoid him.
She does feel sorry for him. She knew that it’s a wrong thing to do to a person as she wouldn’t want anyone to do that to her. But then again, perhaps it’s better that way, better to avoid than to come face to face as she just doesn’t know what is her magnitude of anger. It could pretty much leads to an ugly end for the night. She felt truly betrayed, cheated, fooled and manipulated by him. She was hurt. She never seeks for revenge, and so the least that she deserve to do is to ignore him the way she wants it. I honestly don’t think that it’s too much for her to ask. Cause even then, that still couldn’t mend her broken heart.
He on the other hand, stood still looking at her passing by without looking back at him. He should by then get the message. It’s not hard to understand and to realize how deep she was hurt. Since that day onwards, there were no more calls and messages from him. It is definitely for the better. She really need to move on and let happiness come to her with her arms wide open. ♥
She is a very optimistic person. And she likes to think positive and strive for the best in life. But somehow, life isn’t pretty at all, and life is cruel and vicious. It kills and it stammers on each and every hope, dreams and it blows off your every light away with its reality. She felt weaken at times. Her legs, knees, and deep down in her heart she shivers. It’s hard to stay strong. She was feeling much down today. She sometimes felt puzzle with the nature and order of life. She knows GOD is great and she believes in him with all his heart. But being a girl, human and being her... she couldn’t understand what is the miracle, greatness and reason behind everything that is happening. She wishes she could understand it… because she knows nothing that happens in life is bad. It might be bad in our very rough eyes, but the underlying is never a bad thing. And so she wishes she could understand, so as she could help aid her heart her soft heart to be stronger for each test there is in life. Thankful is what she feels and what she want to keep in her heart. Thankful is a good thing as it can help to keep one being humble. ♥
Mr Right = Mr Korean Guy
What’s up with that equation? Hahahha
Nothing is up… It’s just a symbolic or synonym that she uses.
In general, she does likes other international artist as well… she has some specific preference when it comes to admiring artists. She likes Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Robert Pattinson, Milo Ventimiglia and Ed Westwick.
But amongst all, she likes Kpop artists the most...
She is a mix parentage child. Her dad is a Malay and her mom is a Chinese. And so she tends to be very fond of guys who have the Chinese/Korean/Japanese look. You see… she loves to watch Korean drama, Variety Shows and also the Music scene… And as you all know, the Korean entertainment industry is very much well polished. The dramas and movies are well scripted and the actor and actress were well selected, good acting skills and the story lines are great too. When it comes to music scene, just take a look at the amount of time they spare for training and practices. To name a few just doesn’t do justice, cause all of them worked hard and they all look so good.
For her, being a typical girl in her own La La Land… she dream of meeting her own Mr Right a.k.a. Prince Charming… The kind that she pictured in her mind as an ideal guy would be as charming as the one that she saw in the TV (Television) :p The handsome, strong, tall and a charming guy. Fair complexion, the features… Romantic, kind, respectful, funny and loving… Family guy and have all the fairytale things that a girl can think of…
Since she watches loadsa Korean shows, therefore she imagine her Mr Right being somewhat like the guy that she sees on TV (Television) hahaha . Well that’s her wishful thinking that is… hahahaha
Until that one fine day came along… she will only have to imagine hahaha… poor thing…
Seriously, this little story~novel~drama is not about her finding a Korean guy in actual, but just a journey for her to open up and meet new people, getting over her break-up and moving on with life… and perhaps finally finding her very own Mr Right who has all her characteristic of her very own imaginary Prince Charming…
All the best…^^♥
She stayed calm, she’s not going to turn insane just because of this worthless guy, she told herself. The love that she had was quickly turning into annoyance. No matter what his reason being, she felt like she's being cheated... emotions runs errands.
At the end of the day, no matter what.. he is not her bf. And she knew the fact that they are not an item makes it alright in definition for him to have other friends or intentions other than her.
But what disappoint her the most was that.. all this while, all along he was the one who is after her in any means there is trying to get to her, talk to her and confessing to her. It was not her who is was after him, it was not her who makes all the calls and sending all the text. ‘Why’ is the main big question she has for him. Why? Why did he do this to her? Why is he playing with her emotions and disturbing her... If he wants to move on with his life and have new girlfriend, she had never stopped him. She has never hold him back. If he really want to move on than why is he still hunting her instead? Why play with her emotions and send miss and love messages to her. What game is it that he is playing? She couldn’t understand it. She couldn’t understand why he wanted to hurt her so badly so many time when she didn’t even do anything wrong. If there’s anything that she did that was wrong, is simply her foolishness to love him with all her heart.
It couldn’t be any better way to kill someone’s feeling and love other than this kinda sharp knife being thrown at the center of the heart.
She was bumped, but perhaps that was what she really need all this while. She needs to kill of the love she has for him. That’s the only way there is for her to move forward and to give life a chance of happiness. She wipe off her tears and make a stand that there will not be any more chances and there shall never be anymore him and her. It was the end that she wanted for all the lies, cheating and childishness.
She told herself, “Enough is enough. I don’t need this boy. I need a man. I certainly don’t need a boyfriend who hurt me”. And so from that day onwards… She starts a new life. She starts a new beginning. And she is on the journey to a happier life and adventurous journey to meet her MrRightGuy her very own 'My Korean Guy' (I'll tell you all about it later).
It’s an ending to something that is ‘so yesterday’, and a beginning to something new…♥
Her tears were running dry. She was feeling warn out with the depression and emotional rollercoaster. Her patience is thinning and there’s only so much that she can endure. She’s felt neglected and way taken for granted. She starts to see the truth behind her denial.
He doesn’t love her. She starts telling to herself, if you love someone so much you would rather do anything for the person, to be with that person in any state of situations. That’s how much she would give in for him. But he doesn’t have that in him, isn’t it clear enough for her to see? That he doesn’t love her as much as she did love him. It’s a simple case of dominating and selfishness.
And it was on that very moment that God make it such a way, she had the urge to browse through her facebook friends’ page. Accidentally, mysteriously and unfortunately she clicked on one of their mutual friend’s news feed for photo album. And that instant, her eyes begun to tears, it rolls unstoppable. It was his picture with another girl. Sitting down on the sofa with his hand and arm around her waist, and her hand was placed on his thigh. He was smiling and she was smiling. What was that all about?
It felt like a slap was thrown onto her face. You can literally hear a splashing sound of her heart being punch out to dust. Wasn’t it all enough pain already all this while? Was it all such a fun thing for him to play with her heart. Was it really that fun manipulating people’s feeling that way? This is way beyond acceptable. ♥
Through out the 3 years after breaking up... There were times when she contemplates her decision. Of cause it’s understandable that she still loves him, doesn’t she?. She was in denial for a long time. Telling herself that he might just change and be all different. Then he will once again be her knight prince who will sweep her of her feet.
There are several occasions where she would be soft hearted and replied to his text and at times she picks up his calls. Several times she opens up her heart again, believing that he could have change for her. She does miss him a lot. But after all the chances that she has been giving him, she was broken hearted again and again. Just when she thought that she might be able to trust him back, he went and blew it up.
Instead of impressing her and trying to make it up to her to prove that he really do deserve her, that he really want to work it out, he went out partying and still has not make the initiative to stop drugs, improve on life to finish up school on time and start to making a living. He was expecting her to accept him as he is, accept his life style though he knows that she would never be able to accept that kinda life style. He tried convincing her with his mere words and promises. But by now, she is not blinded with love anymore, she is determined to be out of the state of denial. He is just saying all those stuffs to ensure that she will be by his side. He gives her false hope, and she was holding to it as tight as she can.
Because of him, she stayed single for 3 years after the breakup. She didn’t even try opening up her heart to others. Not even to a new friendship. It really took a tow on her. She was consistently depressed. She’s learning on how to cope with moving on. She was fine and happy on the outside, but really no one knows what she is feeling. Though he was also single throughout the entire 3 years of breakup, it was different for guys. She really cares about what he would feel. She doesn’t want him to be hurt of her actions. So she restricted herself from even mixing with guys up to the extent that she doesn’t even want to be pictured together with her male friends. She really does care. However, he was doing the opposite. He was trying to create and start a fight with her of some sort. He didn’t behave to keep his act together. He went out partying, drugs and socializing. She was hurt by all of those, but putting bet on believing that the love that she has is true and strong, she closed one eye. She was giving up a lot for this relationship. She really do want him to change for the better. Not for the sake of her, but for the sake of himself and the future there is to be.
I guess its hard to for her, it hard for her to accept the fact that the person that she knew long time ago, the one who she grew together with, the loving person that she once knew.. has turn into this guy... this guy who she doesnt know anymore....
♥
It was then that she knew everything have to change. The world is not as pretty as she sees. The people that she knew for years might not be the person that she thought they were. The things in life might just not happen the way she wanted and planed it to be… She wants it different this time. She’s finally opening up… but, it’s not that easy as she thinks it would be.
How do you really get over your break up?
That is the thing that she needs to overcome and get herself free from. Even though she is single, it’s like he still hunt her down. He never wanted to let her go in the first place. He always wants her to himself, only to himself. He consistently calls her and text her on her mobile. He uses words and phrases that would very well make her heart emotionally touched. He knew it that she loves him still. He was using her emotions against her. He says things such as ‘miss you’ and ’love you’. He’s up to know about her whereabouts. He was all around the people she knew. He added her at facebook and other social networks. He would contact her alternate days, or once a week… it’s like he’s telling her not to let go. ♥
It was that night that she finally couldn’t stand it anymore. She consulted some of his friends to seek for the truth. She knew and felt that there’s something wrong with him. He was never like this, the guy that she knew will never treat her this way. And so her guts feeling was confirmed and right, he was involved with drugs. There’s no telling how she felt that day and for the rest of the 3 years which is up to now. The only word that can really represent her heart is SHATTERED into a million tiny pieces. Not only that it hurts so badly, it was smashed and grinded into tiny bits.
She knew it at that time that she had to leave. It’s the hardest thing to do, to turn away from your love and from someone who you really cared for, from what your hearts yearn the most. To turn away from your first love. But she had to do it, she knows that if she doesn’t, she foresee a dark ahead. Tears was falling like there’s no stop, endless sleepless night and heart aching. But she hold it up together as she knew that if she hold on and stay, he’ll take her for granted and he will never change. The love that they have can very well turn into hatred as the fighting continues. So she decided to leave…
But I guess walking away for 8 years of relationship, high school sweetheart, and first love… is never never never an easy thing… she endures the pain… How could him... how could him... how could him...♥
At that time, he was getting involved with drugs behind her back. She didn’t know a single thing. He loves her but he was just too upbeat with the outside world with his friends and with all the hype being a young man. All of those elements in the end makes him lied to her. He manipulated her in a very strategic way. Being the ever loving girlfriend, she listens to everything that he says cause she really cared about him, his feelings and she was trying so hard to make the relationship work and not to hurt him in any way, but I guess she work too hard. He was very good at manipulating her, he make it in such... She only sees what he wants her to see, she only hears what he wants her to hear and she only know the things that he wants her to know. He was a very jealous man. He can’t even stand it if there are guys around her, what more if there’s any guy who talks to her or called her on her cell. He follows her every moves, wherever she was at, he will definitely wants to know her every moves, not enough with that he will make a tour to see and check on her. The severe paranoia is due to the drugs that he was taking at that time. Things was pretty bad up to a point where they fought almost every day because of his paranoia and she ends up not meeting her friends for months. Even an outing with family is a pain for him. He was too jealous and too over the top.
At the same time, because he wants to keep up with his life, his social life, his friends and so he lied to her. He went partying behind her back and he etc.
He betrayed her trust and manipulated her feelings. She was losing grip. She was too sad and depressed with the situations and she felt like she’s suffocating and she can’t breathe as he wants to control everything and the tension between them was already so stiff. Tender turns to suspicious for him, everything that she does out of care, he will misinterpret it which leads to fighting.
It was that night that she finally couldn’t stand it anymore.♥
Today is a Sunday. Do you know what Sunday means? It simply means resting day no work haha… and as she lays in her bed, glancing at her blackberry phone, it is 9 in the morning. She thought to herself “this is not too late nor is it too early.. How I wish to sleep more. But this aching body is pressing for me to wake up.” Still refusing to wake up, she just lay down closing her eyes with her thoughts wondering.
There’s wedding ceremony to attend to today later noon time. Since it’s a school holiday season, there has been line ups of wedding ceremony events to attend to. Holiday season is like the perfect time for people to set their weddings as most of the invitees are free to attend the ceremony.
Once a close friend of her asked a question, “you’ve been single for quite awhile now, don’t you ever want to start dating again?” Those kind a questions are always been asked by people. To tell you the truth, she has hesitations in dating. She has been single for 3 years going to 4 years. That’s a pretty long period for someone to be single. Her past relationship which happened to be her first and only relationship ended and it hurt her a lot. The relationship that she really cared about for 8 years. She was a very devoted and loyal girlfriend. She cared about him and there’s nothing that can shake her off. But I guess what was not meant to be will never be. He loves her but maybe not as much as she loves him. He at times, in fact most of the time take her for granted simply because he knew that she loves him so much and she will always be there for him. How selfish is that. He end up ruining the relationship that they build for so long, shattered all her hopes away.♥
It’s a sudden news for her, it’s the death of her grandmother. Today is a pretty unexpected and hectic day. She went to work as usual and she’s been feeling alright all along until the phone call came in. It’s her father who’s ringing her. His words were “Grandma passed away” and it just didn’t strike her mind even a second that its grandma. So she was kind of blur, asking her dad “which, who’s grandma?” and he replied “it’s your grandma, back at the hometown, she died a few minutes ago”. She was puzzled still, “what? When? Of what sickness?” and her dad told her that he didn’t know the details and causes as of yet, and he hung up the phone. She called her siblings right away, asking for more details and info. What strikes her mind was, the journey that they need to plan to enable them to be in time for the funeral ceremony. She talked to her superiors, and emailed her boss. And then rushed back home. She’s mostly is worried about her dad. It’s grandma from dad’s side, it is his mom. Though we had some differences between us, grandma is still his mom after all. He sounded calm and composed, but she knew that it surely did sadden him. The differences that they have between them is because of race differences, more towards grandma and dad’s siblings being racist towards her mom and her siblings. The reason being is, mom is a Chinese and dad is a Malay. Typical Malay kampong thinking is to outcast the non-Malays. So they don’t quite approve the marriage from the very beginning, which makes them treating her with double standard treatments. It’s hard and it hurts, but she doesn’t care much because to her the most important thing in life is her parents and siblings, the rest of the things are simply not important to her. Throughout the journey back to hometown, she was trying to light things up and give morale support to her dad. And so far the situation all seems pretty good and well. She just wishes that she is able to be there for her dad whenever he is down and I know she will do well. These death event leads to her thinking about life and the perspective of it… will do the elaboration in the next chapter…. Till then….♥
Though she’s surrounded with wonderful peoples. Family is simply superb. Friends are the best that one can find. Colleagues are funny witty and easy to be around with. She tends to have lots of people going after her, man to be exact. But somehow deep down she’s alone, somehow her heart is closed... and she is single after all.
Every human is basically alone in this world, as much as this is to her, it applies to others too. I bet there are many out there who feel the way she did. So much going on yet so little for your own self. She wakes up each morning being with herself alone, up to work the journey is by herself alone, she’s at work concentrating and mostly are alone (despite that she has great colleagues, she doesn’t like grapevine activities and doesn’t mock around), head back home and yet still alone, before you know it its already three quarter (3/4) of the day is gone being alone, reached home time to clean up having dinner with family and chatted for awhile and there you go it’s time to sleep to regain energy for the next day. In a way, she is her own best friend. With that limited amount of time, she managed to squeeze time for all her other passions, quenching time to socialize with friends. She didn’t quite go out that often with friends as she used to when in college simply because, as you age you have more responsibilities and everyone is either busy working or busy building up family most are starting to enter to marriage life.
She is so eager to break out from this cycle. The cycle that you are in when you commit yourself to working the 9-5 job. She’s working on something else, she’s praying for it to kick off as she really put her sweats into it.
Let’s pray for her to….♥
Everything about her surrounding is all full with colors of life may it be good or bad. It is full with love, drama and it’s a never ending ongoing events. One after another something will surely to pop up. Obviously in reality, there are some good times and some bad times, but to her, anything and everything happens for a reason. Even if bad things tend to occur, she will always try to look at it in the best possible way. Those kind of thoughts are the only thing that can help to make one stay calm at those types of moments. Plus she will always try to avoid anything that could leads to depression. She’s been through some bad bad times in her 26 years of living by far, she try hard not to ever be in the same situation again. She will try, she will try to cheer up and face everything with a smile.
What’s it like being her for a day? Well, it’s pretty hectic. She has a lot of things going on in her plate. Let me remind you, she has a big family to attend to and also her personal life to live.
She is practically working like 24/7. Not technically working physically… but mentally that is for sure. Somehow she always finds comfort in things that she does. She likes to be creative and to develop her creative side. Though she doesn’t have much opportunity given to her, but she will try out new stuffs on her own and make the best of whatever resources there is available.
Throughout this story, you and I both will learn more about her and get to know her from a softer view.
Till then… ♥
She’s the third out of eight siblings, she is the strong one in the family. She usually has everything in order and proper to ensure the rest falls into places. She loves her family the most and she would most certainly do anything for them even when it means that she has to put herself behind. It’s a hard thing to do. Like I said, she is a very fragile and delicate person in actual fact. She has a small soft heart that could easily be hurt. But all in one, she faces it tough and stay strong.
Her mom and dad is the most wonderful thing was given to her. She loves them to death and there’s nothing that she wouldn’t do for them. Her mom is the most beautiful angel that guarded her. It was mom who stayed by her side when she was really badly heartbroken. It is mom midas touch that could heals anything when she is in pain. And only mom smiles could brighten her lost hopes in search.
Dad is the one source of strength that she looks for as an example. Her dad is the one that motivates her to be a positive and optimistic person. Dad is the one who teaches her all her principles of life and core basic strong hold that she should remember as a human as a daughter as a girl as a person.
Even if there’s million billion trillion at stakes, she would never change switch or replace her parents.
She has the love of her siblings, the one that she cherishes the most. The one that she became over protective of. The one that she hopes she could pray for them to be in the most well being state ever and to amend any mistakes that they make. She could never see any of her siblings to fall in front of her very eyes.
The bond of family love is the one that she will always keep close to her heart forever and ever till death do them part.♥
This is somewhat her pivotal moment of her life. She is soon to be 26 this year. It is still a young age but she is looking for bigger things to happen. She wants to achieve more than what there is. She worked so hard, and she will work harder. Her life has been good, but this very moment is the only time that she can do something big, if she doesn’t starts now, soon it will be a little late, not too late but a lil late. That’s why it is her pivotal moment. The time where she has to decide and take the risk for something different. She feels scared but she doesn’t want to let scare stop her from achieving so much more in life. She always believed that she can offer more to the world. She always believed that she is born into the world to be something great. She’s waiting for the day to come, until then she will not stop.
What is it that she wants to make a difference? It’s every aspect of her life. Have you ever wondered what your true highest potentials are, what if the road taken is different and what exactly will the outcome be? She wants challenge, she wants new things, experiencing the fullest that one can experience.
It’s a starting of something, she will try to slowly make a step forwards while considering the things around her, the responsibilities that she has… will she make it, day by day it’s one step at a time…♥
What is this all about?
Well, Im not sure for myself… Lets just, let this goes with the flow and we shall see where it leads us too…
It’s a story. A simple story of a girl…
She is who she is… there’s just something about her. Something that’s worth to look at and to understand. She is simple yet complicated. She is pretty yet she’s not perfect. She is happy yet alone. She is delicate and fragile yet stern and strong. She is lovely yet she finds it difficult to love. She always looks at the glass as half empty… with every positive note there will always be a BUT…
Let me narrate this for you. The life of a girl in a big world, experiencing the journey of life in pursuit of happiness, while living life to the fullest... she learns how to love again... and will she ever finds her very own Korean guy…???
♥
